To all, please read this with a mature mind.

One impt thing ive learnt so far is
blogging may be inflammatory.
People can quarrel over wad they wrote in their blog,
and even deteriorates relationships.
im not gonna repeat my past mistakes once all over,
but
one thing keeps bothering me.
and its abt my current relationship.

I read a post in SGforum.
its abt a guy jus out of NS,
with his gf two-time him,
and left heart-broken.

If u are a consistent reader of my blog,
u'll understand how this relates to me.
went back last year.
i had a relationship dat last almost two years.
and ive been regularly posting my agony and weeped in blog.
my life then was in total mess,
my heart were tear into pieces.
it took me almost 6months to heal.
im the sentimental type.
and i get used to things veri veri easily.
and when things starts to change and leave,
i'll nid a prolong period of time to adapt.
and one universal truth.
time heals every shit.

I was like zombie the months after my ex left me,
and life to me is like plain water.
dat guy in the forum tried to commit suicide,
i didnt, as i still have hopes in frenz and family.
being rational is one thing.
to think properly in certain situation is another.
and sleepless nights were as common as new taiwan drama.

Wad im trying to say is--
I DUN WAN TO SUFFER THE SAME AGONY AGAIN!!!
so i take extra precaution.
i try to treat my current gf well,
offer the best i can give,
hide my anger sometimes,
not calculative abt money and stuff
and try not to meet so often i scared she'll get tired of me.

I dunno...but the thing is..
deep down my heart...
im afraid dat it'll be over someday.
and after which i'll be back on the same path i walked these 8 months.
and further more after my 3rd year i'll have to go NS.
if we can last till then,
dats the crucial part.
Ive known of people being together for years and broke after
the guy went NS.
lots of similar encounters.
Its not anyone's fault
but girls do change heart easily.

Ok, maybe its far too long im thinking
but hey..it'll happen sooner or later rite??
U may laugh and say we wont even last till next year.
or even next month.
but who cares..as long as i give my best not to lose her.
One may say 'I love u' today
and end up being on the bed
with another guy the next day.
dats how scary reality had hit me.

Im wondering all the things im giving right now,
will it be worthwhile in ...say..3years time?
or will i be another loser in love.
and the fact dat we still are young makes forever tip-impossible.
the last time i said forever is when i was young and stupid.

Another question i'll like to ask myself.
'Why am i toking abt this at 2.30am when i got sch later at 8?'
(jianwen...jus be happy while u can and dun think so much!)
kkz...
i think the best advisor for me is myself.

im holding her heart firmly in my fist.
i'll not hold too tight,
i'll not hold too loose.
it takes time to perfect it,
but im trying my best.
Im really scared u'll leave me in time,
but i'll never let u go.

Jianwen loves u.
say u love him too.
[-E Muja Oui-]